tjcafuir.com

I gots me own domain alright. But I'm just so preoccupied with work right now that I couldn't even change the template. Maybe I'll start working on it come December and no, it's not gonna be PunkSEO like what I originally planned.

Aww... I'll miss my blogspot page. Tjcafuir.com wouldn't be Half the World Away. Half the World Away is for me, Tjcafuir.com on the other hand, is just merely for the sake of having your own site. I'll work around it though. The only problem is, I have to stop blogging here in order to better link build the other one. Half the World Away, I'll miss you. Ahuhuhu achu...

AVA

DO IT FOR ME NOW
Angels and Airwaves

I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar
It seeps through the hall and from under the door
Like the shit that was said
I can't take it that well
I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still
Lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved
I know it got close but I'm sure it's too far
From the point of suspense, we know it should be
The end of that part of our favorite movie
When the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand
Says take me away from this torturous land
Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug
I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust
Like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie
To add to the scene you pretended to cry
But I'm here and I'm cool, the way that it is
Just give me a chance and I'll try to forgive

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now

I've really had it with the rain of the tears
The predictable storm that has come every year
And it sneaks in from shore with a bat in its hand
I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I can't
You're a thief and a witch but I love you to death
You steal my heart and curse under your breath
But the one thing that I can most willingly prove
That when you are gone I'll be fine without you

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now?

Now just hold on, hold on to me
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)
Hold on, hold on to me (hold on to me)

Hall Of Mirrors

A couple of years ago, one would find me to be the worst boyfriend ever. I was flirting with countless women, I was out partying most days of the week, I couldn't be trusted and I lie all the time just to cover my ass. Hey, what do expect of a handsome and cleaver 22 year old yuppie? Clean living? Hell no, not Tj Cafuir.

It was always my stand that men should undergo this phase during their 20's. For me, it would be during these tumultuous times where a kid would become an adult and eventually discard immature antics. But of course, before he lets go of mischief and mayhem, he has to soak it all up first. Right?

A normal 22 year old should at least, for a certain liberal period, get to hit pretty chicks and get wrecked every Saturdays. He should be able to enjoy the fruits of labor and burn all his money on payday. You'll never get to be 22 again so why not live it on the edge. True to my word, that's what I did. I lived my life on the borderline of normalcy and the extremes. Well, come to think of it, I was always on the extremes.

So yeah. I was living a "rockstar" lifestyle and I loved it. I loved how chicks tell me how cool and astig I was. I loved how me and my friends trash bars and clubs and leave the place with everyone shaking heads in both disbelief and amazement. Yeah, remember the face and the name. It's the last time you'll see a bad guy like this.

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And all the while I was having this wonderful relationship with a young, beautiful, intelligent, my dad's an ex-governor, my mom's a teacher, my brother's a lawyer and my sister's a doctor and I'm following their footsteps kinda girl. It was the most perfect harmony. I was trash and she was gold. I loved every single minute that were together and although it seemed that were complete opposites, we shared our lives as if we couldn't breathe without each other. Life is better with her. I loved her and thought we were soul mates.

Now there ain't no one to blame but me. Naturally, eventually and without escape, she caught me and my "rockstar" stupidity, many times actually. I broke her heart. It was the greatest regret of my life. I lost her trust and soon lost everything we've ever had. For some reason though, she never left me.

That was two long years ago. I now changed. I now want to be stable, in love and in life. Gone are the days of mischief and comes the age of maturity. God knows how hard I'm trying now, but it seems there is such a thing as kharma. Perhaps now, when all dust and smoke have cleared, is the time I suffer. Time to pay for my sins. Lately life has been greatly killing me and I actually have a personal blog to prove it. This ain't no niche blog pretending to be whatever, this is me talking in words. I am suffering.

The roles are now reversed. She is now the 22 year old with the word "rebel" etched on the forehead. She now wants to explore the world of adulthood. This is the time in her life where she doesn't need a heretic boyfriend telling her what she can and cannot do. Every time we get into an argument, she would always go back to what I've done in the past. I feel like an ex-convict. Efforts are futile when you have a crime under your name. She wants her space and there is no more room for me. A few more weeks and I can see the finish line, but this one's for losers. I'm going to be an ex-boyfriend.

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I may have fucked up in the past, but I have lots in the future. But no matter how positive it may be, without her there is no life at all. People of the republic, this has been my chemical romance.

My Letter to Owen Wilson

To Owen,

I'm a fan on yours (and Luke) ever since I saw Bottle Rocket. You guys just have a different kind of humor that was non-existent before. I love how your face goes stern in funny awkward moments and I like how you deliver killer punchlines with the coolest stoner voice. I remember when you played Hansel in Zoolander. Your runway showdown with Ben was so hilarious that me and my friends staged our own showdown right there at our living room, all with the pulling of underpants! I always routed for you in any movie that you're in. All of the characters you played are the coolest. Eli Cash on The Royal Tenenbaums, Kevin on Meet the Parents, Ken on Starsky and Hutch and John on Wedding Crashers, the latter being my favorite.

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But you see Owen, you're more than just a funny man. You're more than a Hollywood actor and you're more than a million dollar A-list celebrity. To me, you are a hero. A hero to dorks like me and to everyone who all wanted in life is to be cool and funny and have self-esteem and be accepted. Every time I see you in TV its like, “Hey there's our man!”, “Yeah Owen's kickin' it.” It's as if your raising our flag. You are our champion Owen and you're good at keeping your fans proud of you.

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Maybe things are a little difficult right now. Maybe there are many things that bother you and make you ill. Well, we've all got the blues sometimes. But Owen, you're too cool for that. I know that your personality is one which misfortune cannot tamper. I believe in you. Whatever phase you're in right now shall pass. Just hang on. No matter how dark life is, just keep on living it. Daylight is just 'round the corner. Just keep on living and do what you do. Make us laugh and make the world laugh. God gave your talent for a reason and that is to cheer up lives. Remember the sailors that saw Behind Enemy Lines? Man, you visited and made them really, really happy. That is special. I hope you get well real soon. I hope you'll overcome whatever it is that you need to. I just want to say that your fans here in the Philippines are behind you every step of the way. Take care Owen, you're the best.

*Letter sent to fansite World of Owen at Wilson-Brothers.com

Beats Me

Earlier tonight, my love told me something.

"I want some space."

Then we parted ways.

I kept a straight face, and I started to bleed.

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Life, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

I'm here at the office. I came late - 1:14pm. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday - What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost. I have a massive hangover. I'm unproductive. I can't do shit. I only want to speak out. I just want someone to listen. But, that ain't gonna happen. Nobody knows sympathy. Not even this blog give alleviation.

I was so happy last night. I was uber-drunk. I consumed amazing amounts of alcohol. Best, I was able to voice my problems out to drunken co-workers. Yehey.

I woke up on the couch with puke all over the carpet. Still another reason why the household should hate me more. I can't recall how I got home. All I remember is that I was flashing fuck you's at everyone along my way.

My wallet is missing. I got my whole pay tucked on that piece of shit. I think I threw it away. I kid you not, I was that drunk. I was that pissed at life.

It's not about the money. I could double it in 15 days of slavery. It's about why the fuck did it happen. Why did it end up this way. But hey, I don't regret it. I embrace my misfortune.

I miss my girlfriend, but she's at the hospital. She's too busy and tired of taking care for sick people...

I feel like shit. I'm depressed and I wanna drown.

I, I, I...

Direct Hit

Fallen On Deaf Ears
urbandub

hear me out
trying to talk to you
it’s not getting any easier
settle down.
Can’t seem to get through to you
Tension builds, we begin to fall apart
I think we’re better off apart.
Waste time with violence
This love/hate relations…

Would you wait?
While I’m trying to explain
We’re fighting again
Can you hear me?

Everyday it’s the same old thing with you
We’ve bruised up
We fight, then we make up
This shit is tiring.
We’re out of line
Is this ever gonna stop?
When will it ever be enough?

Waste time with violence
This love/hate relations
Can’t we see through the obvious?
We’re breaking down…

You can take this love to go
I’ve had enough of you
Things aren’t working out…

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But bebe I believe in Us