She Begs

As I wander in the trappings of a day dream, this woman made me hover and yield in pure interest.

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She was wearing the color brown from top to bottom. Her hair was bound tight by what seemed like wooven straw. She wore no adorment, but I think I did saw a scapular around her wrist. Her expression wasn't blank but it showed no emotion. Her eyes.. they were like tidal waves frozen. Like photo showered in deep sepia, her aura bewitch all that surround her. At the very least, she must be 80 years old or something.

Along the stampede of rush hour, along the coming and going of trains, she waits immovably by the stairs. Her arms wrapped in aged skin dangle in the air as her palm carry very little weight. As soon as I saw shy tears fall, a realization occurred. She is nothing actually, but a filthy old beggar. She begs for pity alms amidst dust and dirt.

As I slowly walked my path past her, sea of questions floated. What happened to her? Does she have a house? Has she eaten for the day? Where is her husband? Is he dead? What about her children? Are they somewhere near? How much does she have collected? Is it enough for tomorrow? How could a handful of change give her a living? What is her name and, before time has waivered, who was she then?

She begs money for food. At some point in time she must have gone to fancy dinners and lavish celebrations. In her lifetime, I thought, she must have had more than enough in her purse to buy whatever she wants. But, what happened? Why is she now what I see her to be. Why is she not like the other aged? Why is she living in the streets? Why, in the years of twilight, does she still have to beg for money that wouldn't even suffice a hungry child? Why?

In her face I have seen the saddest. Here is reality.

Perhaps, there is no answer to this. Ever since the day we could distinguish the difference between lack and bounty we have always felt moved by the urban poor. The thing is, we could pour out our hearts and minds and pockets yet derive no solution. Sad but true. There are a million of them and heck, we couldn't even solve our own problems let alone solve theirs. All we simply could do is pity and shed a few coins here and there. I didn't give mine. I decided to blog and tell a few about it.

Anyway, the beggar would still be at the stairs. I just don't know for how long. But as for the current, as you and me pass by, there she sits and there she begs.

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Supposedly, there should be an entry posted here. Apparently, some people thought that my post is too vulgar and could even end tenure. So with the ample money vested upon me by foreign corporations and businesses, I shall comply.

At the Blogger Event

Thursday night was ok. Free food and booze. I didn't get to meet some SEO people but I did get to hang out with the crazy and loud TMB gang. Plus, I got photographed for Style Manila and Runway to Reality. Sexy Nomad was there along with Adam and we conversed about bamboo surfboards. Yeah, bamboo. There are proudly-pinoy surfboards made from kawayan.

Lots of tempura and lots of Pale Pilsen. Here's a funny thing that happened though. Me and Rhiz went inside the place to get a bottle of pilsen. I got myself a beer and looked for a waiter to have it opened. I saw one and ordered, “Waiter pa-bukas." He was wearing a blue long-sleeve and a guest name tag. Wahaha, shit.. he ain't a waiter, he's like a VP for a company or something. Nyorks, bloopers ang pucha. Nevertheless, he still opened it. Thanks to you man whoever you are.

Back at the TMB table, well, it was all party. You'd even think Taste Asia held the event for TMB. Waiters never left our table hauling bottles after bottles of alcohol as digicams were capturing moments in all directions. Bim and Mike were doing freestyle dissing while Fritz took photos. All was loud.

Here are some pics from Ade.

I really can't say much about anything else. I'm a nobody and I guess I wanna make it stay that way. Remember when I said that I don't do well do social events? Well, I sat in a lone table and tried to get the gist of the moment. I observed well. There is nothing.

Good thing my officemates were there. Now these three are well-known and I'm the odd man out. I believe everyone was asking everybody else, who the fuck is that dick with a hat?

From the cliquebooth...

Boss Marc,Tj, Mikey, Rico

Well here's to another blogger event. I had fun watching how bloggers socialize. I think its all about self-promotion and self-importance. Any affiliation is just a charade to mask anonymity. Well, come to think of it, that is essence of socialization. Oh screw me. I'm being cynical again.

And hey, somebody remarked to what I'm wearing. “He's got a Justin Timberlake hat.” Dude, its Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp...

Still Stoked and Making Habol

I'm back at the office since Tuesday. Still, my body aches so much, if you'll stencil it with a pen, they're gonna break to chunks.

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With a click of a button, I found out that I was really gonna drown this time. Work is staring like a heightening wave ready to devour me in a wipe out. I have to make habol.

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Later tonight, I'll punish my body more. I'll be playing basketball with complete strangers. I sure hope that they haven't read my blog... well, maybe I do. People mostly perceive writers as mere feeble creatures and Tj Cafuir's gonna prove them bastards wrong.

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I'll be at the 2nd Blogger Meet-Up at the SM Taste Asia MOA tomorrow night. As usual, I'll be an anti-social and alienate myself by consuming all available alcohol. I don't act well in social gatherings. It's either I get too excited and annoy other people or I get to bored and intentionally annoy people. All I'm really after is meeting fellow SEO strategists and practitioners. I'm gonna milk all tips and advice as much as I can.

I heard that bryanboy is attending. I'll bring a copy of Radioactive Sago's album 'Putangina Mo, Ang Daming Nagugutom Sa Mundo Fashionista Ka Parin' if ever that incredibly ridiculous, extraordinarily shallow, extremely amusing foot spa attendant lookalike blogger shows up. Sure would complete my night.

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I had a great time in Zambales. I wish I could put it into writing. I'm still thinking a different approach on how to blog it.

Stoked and Happy Days

This is exactly what I need..

Yeah. Surf's up.

This surf competition by Stonemoney is perhaps the event of the year. Well, for surfers at least.

Solar Sports and Studio 23 will be there to cover the event (read: Reema Chanco). 100+ dslr's would be capturing the waves and 100+ of their riders. Celebrities and VIPs have already flocked to Pundakit (read: Jericho - blurp! and Heart - witwiw!). San Mig Pale Pilsen would be providing booze for the nights. There's a music festival tomorrow and on Sunday and guess who's gonna be playing.. ChicoSci. On mornings, the best of the best from Zambales, LU, United Pinoy, ASRAI and many other groups would battle it out in the and represent their home breaks. Hundreds of freebies will be given and 2 surfboards are up for raffle.I will get to experience it all. Check out the skeds.

On my previous emo posts, I mentioned that I wanna drown, well out of depression that is. I sure hope that won't happen, hehe. Well, I happened to be a strong swimmer so screw death. Anyways, I'm so stoked and although its raining like hell, happy days are on the forecast. I'd be surfing and dancing at the beach. I'll smoke a joint or two. I'll pig out on bbq and drink ice cold beer. Best, Salee my love is coming and we'd be cuddlin' and kissin' all day long. Happy days indeed...

Happy days.

PS
my wallet was found. our condo neighbor found it laying peacefully in front.. of our front door.

PS
i am stupid.

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i am stoked.

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happy days :)

Life, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

I'm here at the office. I came late - 1:14pm. I'm listening to Taking Back Sunday - What's It Feel Like To Be A Ghost. I have a massive hangover. I'm unproductive. I can't do shit. I only want to speak out. I just want someone to listen. But, that ain't gonna happen. Nobody knows sympathy. Not even this blog give alleviation.

I was so happy last night. I was uber-drunk. I consumed amazing amounts of alcohol. Best, I was able to voice my problems out to drunken co-workers. Yehey.

I woke up on the couch with puke all over the carpet. Still another reason why the household should hate me more. I can't recall how I got home. All I remember is that I was flashing fuck you's at everyone along my way.

My wallet is missing. I got my whole pay tucked on that piece of shit. I think I threw it away. I kid you not, I was that drunk. I was that pissed at life.

It's not about the money. I could double it in 15 days of slavery. It's about why the fuck did it happen. Why did it end up this way. But hey, I don't regret it. I embrace my misfortune.

I miss my girlfriend, but she's at the hospital. She's too busy and tired of taking care for sick people...

I feel like shit. I'm depressed and I wanna drown.

I, I, I...

Communication Breakdown | Attitude Problem

"The basis of life is people and how they relate to each other. Our success, fulfillment, and happiness depend upon our ability to relate effectively."

If this would be true, then I have no chance on success.

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Most people know me as being a happy person. You know, the "never-a-dull-moment" kinda guy. I am that, for sure. I have always been the class clown ever since and still is to this day. I love comedy and I love making people laugh. I take it as a skill.

Sometimes though, being funny all the time does have its repercussions. Sometimes I say things I really don't mean just for the sake of being funny. I do it all the time when I'm with friends and whatever I say or do, no matter how detestable, they take it as Tj just being Tj.

Currently, my co-workers who I am very fond of, are giving me the cold shoulder. Apparently, I have said something so offensive they decided never to talk to me again. I couldn't even remember what I said or did. Again, I was misunderstood. Or perhaps, I was being myself in the wrong company. Nevertheless I think they couldn't have given me worse treatment --> Silence and neglect. After all, what is a clown without an audience.

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Let me tell you something I haven't told anyone aside from my better half. Me and my mother haven't spoken to each other for over a year now. Our grudge is so deep we left no room for communication and healing. Everyday we pretend that the other doesn't exist. Everyday we have to instill pride and hate in our hearts just to prove one is better than the other. Everyday we have to discard the comfort of a mother and son relationship. It's been so long that now, I can't even recall what it feels like to have a loving mom... Well, I think I never had one...

So how in the world could I become a "people person" given the fact that I wouldn't even speak to the very being who bore me into this world.

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I'm having trouble with a certain colleague. I'm relatively new in my field and I'm still coping up with all the changes. He, on the other hand, knows the ins and outs of the industry. Well, on his end at least.

It is my job to instruct the guy around. One day as I was asking for a little task to be done, being the senior that he is, he decided to go for a little power tripping instead of helping me out. "Nah do this first and do this after. Come back some time in the next millennium."

I fell silent and walked away. Okay, fine with me. Eat shit, die mutherfucker die.

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And all this has been bothering me.

Why can't I communicate well? It isn't hard to say sorry, it isn't hard to admit mistakes and it isn't hard to talk things over. I know all these things yet I don't do it. I won't.

Then again, maybe its just me and my attitude problem. If you think you're cool, no I'm better. If you think your intelligent, no I'm wiser. If you think you're strong, no I lord you over. If you think you're right and I'm wrong, then take it to your grave. Die with it.

I was raised like this...

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I hope I don't come across as a bad person. I'm just always misunderstood. I hope people will see how meaningful I am. Yeah, maybe I am a little loony and all but I mean no harm. And forgive me for saying things I don't really mean. Its just communication breakdown.

SEOlyshit!

Yeah. I is now an SEO. So many things, so little time. What a kick ass cliche.

"Violence is one of the most fun things to watch"

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Ang pagdating ng pamosong Hollywood director na si Quentin Tarantino ang malaking come-on sa nalalapit na 9th Cinemanila International Film Festival (CIFF) mula August 8 - 19. Tiniyak ni Amable "Tikoy" Aguiluz VI, festival director ng CIFF, sa PEP (Philippine Entertainment Portal) ang pagdating ni Tarantino sa August 8.

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Yes. He is coming. Quentin Tarantino. Quentin..... WAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Last time I really got excited about something was when At World's End was gonna be shown. But this thing's ten times magnified. Quentin, the director of Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs which are among the top films that I attach my whole being to, is coming here on Wednesday and I'm so excited to just even catch a glimpse of this modern day genius. Its very rare that someone of his status would ever consider stopping by this side of Asia, and hey, it's Quentin Tarantino and in his vernacular, that cocksucker mutherfucker is one of the greatest kick ass directors of all time.

I'll make damn sure that I'll be at the mall where he's scheduled to show up and also I'll make damn sure that I find an original copy of Reservoir Dogs for him to autograph. This opportunity can't be neglected. I want him to know how brilliant his films are and I want him to know how cool he is. He is the epitome of cool. There are perhaps a handful of Hollywood directors that would topple Quentin but there is definitely no one else as cool as him. Nobody.

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All fans please rush to the Gateway Mall to see Tarantino. He may never come back again so an impression must be made. As for me, a hand shake, a brief and sincere handshake would just be monumental.

"So you like Tarantino films now do yah?" "Yeah well I shook his fuckin' hand you mutherfucker."

I sure hope this thing happens...

Photoshoot: Behind the Scenes

Here's how the photo came to be...

I left the office at around 9:00pm, Maxi sent me a message and said that his "ETA" was 9:30 to 9:45. Great I thought. The office is just 15 minutes away and I left early to assure the guy that he won't have to worry about me being late. After all, Maxi is coming from Las Pinas. I don't know where that is but it sure sounds far to me. "Megamall nlng pare, txt nlng pag dating. Punta nko dun." Message sent.

ZZzzz... Ice Hockey is cool sport, literally. Man, if I ever became a hockey player all women will drool over me. They'll faint every time I score a goal and soon, I'll become MVP. Then eventually I'll become a matinee icon being interviewed by MTV and on the front page of Candy magazine. Yeah, see that goalie over there.. I'm gonna hurl pucks down his throat he'd wish he was playing badminton instead. There's no sports I can't conquer.... I'm the greates.... ZZzzz...

So that's me staring down at the skating rink for what seemed like an eternity. I can't believe it was happening to me. I was the king of lates but the now the tables were turned. After walking like a zombie through the vast Mega, I decided to stop over and wait in the cursed stands. It was all too familiar.

"Teej ortigas nko." Maxi replied. My eyes gleamed, nasa Ortigas na sya, Lord nasa Ortigas na sya! Salamat, salamat! I bought a Mcfloat and lit a cig outside the fast food where we decided to meet. "Teej and2 nko, St. Francis Jolibee. Wala na pala Mcdo d2." "Yes Maxi wala na Mcdo dyan. Nandito ako sa El Pueblo. Sabi mo Mcdo. Ang galing mo chong idol kita."

Ok. J Ortigas Blvd was the location, the streets being the subject. The night was perfect for capture for it just rained. There was a damp feeling to it. The streetlights lined up giving a somber glimmer, some building floors were lit telling there's life to it, cars were flying past by. I stood at the sidewalk with my fingers doing the photographer scale, "Maxi shoot it like this."

We had so many outtakes considering we only had one concept in mind --> I'll sit in the sidewalk and look at the cityscape around me. It's either that there's a taxi or there's too much of a crowd walking. So ok, photography isn't as simple as it looks. Good thing Maxi knows a lot about his stuff.

Nope, there's a taxi...

Nope, I look like a gay hobo with LBM

Wacky time...

"Maximus Grime"

Hmm.. this should do it..

Great, it was done. After being given puzzled looks from countless call center agents, I finally realized that the semi-wall I was leaning on was actually their yosi spot. Kaya pala madumi. "Maxi take the tripod and were off to another location." Exit, stage left.

Next spot was the overpass at the same street. As I had a top view of the crossing, a concept came to me. "Maxi stand there. I'll go down and you shoot."

Yeah something to that effect...

The last guy on earth.

Finally were done. It's about 12:30 and I'm really really tired. To be honest, I wasn't really satisfied with all the photos but they'll have to do. After all, its just me and my tomfoolery. Maxi and I decided to call it a wrap and shook hands before we parted. After getting a feeling of importance with the attention that comes with being photographed and all, I started the long, lonely walk home. Again, it was all too familiar.

The very morning of the next day, Maxi sent me the photos. I showed it to an officemate and she liked it, said it was surreal. Yeah, it turned out alright. There's only one problem left, what do I do with them.

Good thing Ronan, the most talented graphic artist the country has to offer, is available for some favors. I sent him the files, he opened photoshop and alapeanutbuttersandwich the layout was finished. It is done.

Half the World Away

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I'm not really sure what my issues are, but these are the kinds of images that fascinates me. Empty streets, dark pathways, lonely cityscapes, streetlights, rainy days and all relative. I like things bleak. I dwell in its calm. Astig.